Over the years, I’ve written about the “peak and valley” pattern that most people’s lives seem to take. However, one aspect of life thatno one can escape is the inevitability of death. Just as all are mandated to be born, so shall they die. And not only do they have their
own deaths to contend with, but also the deaths of those they cherish. Family, friends, and even pets. The simple truth is there are
few pains that inflict more anguish and suffering than grief. “O death, where is thy sting, O grave, where is thy victory? (I Corinthians
15:55) We have all felt death’s sting, but ultimately, it is up to each of us to develop our own sense of faith and hope and connection to
the Divine that can help us to ease the grieving process in our own time of dying as well as those times when we must let go of those
we love and care for the most. No two people are the same, but below is a Suggestion List that is hopefully beneficial in helping
people accept their own death as well as prepare for and accept a loved one’s death. Take what you want and leave the rest:
● First, give yourself time and space. Whether you’ve just found out about your own diagnosis or a loved one’s, to process the
inevitability is one of the most profound experiences we will ever have. There is no timeline,e even if medical professionals
might say there is. This is your life and your death. Educate yourself. On Death & Dying by Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross is
almost 50 years old and still reigns as the hallmark book on the subject, although there have been several other excellent
ones written.
● Find a social support system. Whatever your particular situation, when you are ready, reach out to your “social embrace” and
connect to your tribe. Now is the time for being with people who know and understand what you are going through and how
you are feeling, perhaps in ways your friends and family cannot, no matter how well-meaning. This is also true for family
members. Fortunately, with the internet, social media, hospitals, and funeral homes, there is a wealth of support and bereavement
support available for patients and their families. All you have to do is look or ask.
● Ask for help if you need it. Many times a caregiver gets burned out by getting stretched too thin. Whether you are an adult
child or a spouse, doing all of the specialized tasks can be overwhelming. Recently, End of Life or “Death Doulas” assist
families or individuals in the myriad of tasks. Doulas are non-medical professionals who provide support to people (& their
loved ones) who are dying. Contact at feolda.org
● Share Your Feelings. Once you are ready, sharing your feelings can be a cathartic way to build your faith and hope as you
connect to the Divine. Additionally, it is also an amazing inspiration to others in similar situations. So whether you simply
write your thoughts in your own journal or start a blog, Facebook page, or support group at a local community
center or church, this world is a crazy place where out of the darkest pain can spring amazing healing light!
● Take care of yourself by eating healthfully and getting enough rest. These items on the list might seem random, but ignoring
one’s physical health can leave caregivers open to a host of opportunistic infections and illnesses. So taking the time to eat
properly and exercise daily will help you as well as your loved ones.
● Just Breathe…Outside. Studies show being outdoors helps elevate moods and lower our stress levels, so making a point to
establish a connection with nature to disconnect with the stress and pressure of whatever is weighing you down and instead
concentrate on the beauty and splendor of the earth and sky and the birds and trees and flowers and countless other gifts
from the Creator just waiting in the forest or at the beach or even in our own backyard. We only need to open our doors and
our eyes, and our hearts to access them.
Hopefully, some of this information can be of help if you or someone you know is going through a transitional time of loss. Remember, it is a transition. Whenever I work with clients, I gently encourage them through the process of
(1)Acknowledgement, (2)Acceptance, (3) Mourning & (4) Move On. Each one of us has our own timetable, but ultimately, it is
because life has an end date, and we are not immortal that it is all the more precious. Time and life is limited and is to be
handled with great care. Grief is perhaps the most difficult emotion we endure, but with time, our loss becomes more bearable.
Do not suffer in solitude; support makes the burden easier to bear.
Til next Month,
Angela Bozorth
I am a Certified Substance Abuse Counselor with 20 years of experience in Florida and North Carolina. As a Recovery Specialist, I also support families of addicts in restoring focus and peace. To schedule personal or online sessions, contact me at 321-343-1975.
